Let’s just start out by asking the obvious question…
Why are they called “Greeting Cards”?
I’ve never received a card from someone just to say “hi!”
They should be called what they actually are, “I’m not creative enough or heartfelt enough to personally write you something, so I picked out this semi-poetic card to say how I feel…cards”
While shopping for a card for my 15th anniversary recently, I noticed that all of the cards written for husbands to give to their wives sounded a lot like apologies. It would seem that they market to the fact that most husbands know that they’re jerks throughout the year. And we obviously agree, and take the one day to have someone else issue an apology on our behalf.
They say things like, “I know I don’t always say it…I know I don’t always show it…I know things are difficult at times…but Happy Anniversary!”
I believe that cards like this are the PR agents for the working man. $3.99 to say all of things we probably should say on a daily basis.
And let’s be honest, most cards like this are probably written by women, because if men had the notion to say these things, we wouldn’t have to be issuing an apology in the form of a card with a picture of a flower on it.
Btw, I’m pretty sure the picture of the flower is a subliminal reminder to buy our wives flowers for our Anniversary.
Oh, and just for clarity, how long do I have to keep a card someone gave me, before I can properly file it in the trash? Is promptly after reading too soon? Seriously, how can the sender be offended? They didn’t design the cover, take the picture, or write the content. They just signed their name to it. In high school school, I got detention and a failing grade for doing the same thing, so I’m confused.
And finally, if you’re anything like me and grew up with cards being the wrapping paper to a more monetary gift, you still get disappointed when you open the card and nothing falls out. It’s like a proverbial slap in the face by Hallmark.
So, I propose a new name for the “Greeting Card”. How about we call it “Cliffs Notes for Saying I’m Sorry”? I mean, let’s be honest, if it weren’t for Cliff writing our papers, most of us would never have graduated.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have time or money to buy you anything!”
“I’m sorry I’m too lazy to tell you, in my own words, how I really feel!”
“I’m sorry, I forgot that Christmas was on December 25th each year, and so I didn’t have the time to put a ton of thought into your gift!”
Oh, and one last thing. If you’re offended by this at all. You can expect my card in the mail. 8^)